End of Kipple #5

January 2, 2011

In perfect fashion, the first cab driver who took me anywhere was another "Shlomi". Like 1/3 of all other Israeli cabbies. That is where the order stops, though. And he didn't even hit on me. Miracle.

Well, I suppose the order does not actually stop. Israeli routine is chaotic and ridden with countless seemingly unnecessary steps. And so plans most often do not go as planned for their usual ETAx3.

My plan was to land, gather my תעודת עולה (Teudat Oleh-Immigrant ID), initial payment, and arrival information, etc. and go get a cell phone. Of course, being without a cell phone in this day and age is difficult in general. Being without a cell phone in Israel upon arrival while technically homeless for another two weeks borders on torturous. But it is already Sunday and i have as yet been unable to obtain this small but necessary device.

Why? The system is not like the American one. And I refuse to blow $300 on a temp phone for one week. In order to get a phone, I must have an Israeli bank account so the corrupt bond between bank and cellphone company can flourish heartily. But in order to open a bank account, I must possess my תעודת זהות (Teudat Zehut-ID Card--this is different from the Immigrant ID). 

On top of that, it is impossible to even research cellphone plan option because 

A. they change daily and

B. the people won't even talk to me without a תעודת זהות (Teudat Zehut) in hand.

"You come beck," they nod, reassuringly. "We will be here."

Great.

I then discover that all the banks are closed today. And that after I open the bank account, I have to request a document granting permission from the bank to the cell phone company to credit my account. Or, I have to request a document from the cellphone company requesting permission from the bank to credit the account. Or both. 

January 3, 2011

At the Nefesh B'Nefesh office, I was able to open the bank account (finally), which enabled me to get a phone, so now I don't feel lost and disconnected anymore. 

Of course, I was only able to open the bank account because I got my תעודת זהות (Teudat Zehut-ID Card). And of course, there are massive problems with it. They spelled my name incorrectly even though I told them verbally and on paper no less than five times how to spell it. 

They also decided that all of the information on the card would be one line too far down on the card, so I was born in "Female" and my sex is the "United States of America" or something like that. They also can't type and changed my father's named from "Daniel" to "Nield". So now I have to go get more passport photos, resubmit everything to the משרד הפנים (Misrad HaPnim-Ministry of the Interior) and wait at least a week for them to hopefully correct their mistakes.

Well. Welcome to Israel. Where the bureaucracy can't get no higher.

The good news is that my number stays the same, so I don't have to worry about my payments getting delayed. I just have to submit my bank account and other information to the משרד הקליטה (Misrad HaKlita-Ministry of Absorption) and they start dumping cash. Which means I can pay my cell phone bill and my other bills, like health insurance in the meantime. 

Speaking of which:

I got off the plane, was immediately signed up for basic coverage (as stated), which is free for the first year and automatically covers all pre-existing conditions forevermore. In the airport, I was talking to a woman who is also a Type I Diabetic who made Aliyah three years ago and has the same health plan as I do. She told me that for all of her insulin and supplies, she pays maybe 180 shekels a month. That is approximately $50.75!

I elected to upgrade my health coverage from basic to Gold, which includes exciting things like Accupuncture, eye, and dental for 45 shekels/month--$12.69. I love this. Very cheap, amazing health care. But socialized medicine is evil. I suppose on this one, I'll traffic with the devil because I elect to live. 

On another practical note, and a return to the cellphone issue, I've been discovering even more differences between the Israeli and American systems. 

Actually infuriating: a cellphone catalog provided by the store with all kinds of models, etc:

1. does not list features of models, the pros and cons against other and

2. does not list any prices.

I ask the prices repeatedly to the salesman and get "It's no problem. Which one you want?"

"How. Much. Do. They. COST?"

"No problem. Which one? I give you deal."

Great answer. Really informative.

Because Israel is such a small, closed market, all the companies are relatively the same. So there is really no difference. Each one is just as horrible or all right as the next. The lines are just longer or shorter. I went with the short line. Up the hill. Harder to get to. 

The weird thing is that if you buy a plan and talk over your minutes, you can get your phone for free. Don't ask me to explain this. I took me about two hours to figure out how the companies make it appear that they're helping you, the consumer, out and losing profit but really, they're just screwing us even more. Still, it's the cheapest way to go if I don't want to pay 45 Agurot (shekel cents) per minute or per SMS. 

Meanwhile, I've been staying with my friend Jake, in Netanya, as mentioned earlier, along with his roommates. One of them has a spare phone and has offered to sell it to me so I don't have to deal with the rip-off through the company and the phone plan. I think I may go with that. After I trial it for a week. 

As I continue the job hunt.